Small Talk

If there are two things I know about Germans, it's that they don't feel awkward and they don't make small talk, especially not with strangers.  That awkward silence at the dinner table?  It'll be filled when someone comes up with something meaningful to say, not by mindless chit chat.  Often, that meaningful thing will be some recent harrowing story about being trapped on the trains in 90 degree weather with no A/C, but Germans genuinely care about complaining about Deutsche Bahn.  My theory is that after George Bush left office, they were left with a hole in the complaining section of their hearts and needed to fill it with another thing they enjoyed.

In that vein, Germans say what they mean.  Coming from the Midwest, where Fargo might just be an accurate description of our culture, this is just downright harsh, but you get used to it fast.  Germans yell at you, criticize you, and scold because they care for you.  When they start ignoring your faults, it's because they think you're hopeless.  As a consequence, you always know roughly where you stand with someone and you are free to communicate likewise.  I have had some very complicated/confusing relationships with people in Germany, but this principle tended to hold true.

Occasionally my Deutscher BFF would come over and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer with me.  He would ask about my day or my plans for next month or something else mundane.  At this point I had been in Germany for about 8-9 months and had been accustomed to no one ever making small talk.  I would get somewhat irritated with these questions, as I assumed he was just asking to treat me more like an American would want to be treated.  I would give him the normal American two-word response and he would then stare at me waiting for my continuation.  If I asked him a similar question, I would get some 10 minute speech in response.  After this happening several times it dawned one me: He had no clue about American small talk habits, he genuinely wanted to know my answers to his questions.

Now back in the US, people ask me these questions and they don't really care about my answer.  To make it worse, complete strangers will join in on your conversation to make small talk.  Today mooter and I went to a Polish Festival in our city and were talking about her being invited to serve beer at an upcoming festival.  The lady we were walking behind turned around to let us know that she served beer at said festival and hated it.  My immediate response was "Good, because we weren't talking to you."  Luckily I reminded myself that I was in a culture which expected you to have a social filter and didn't blurt that out.  The moment left mooter and I wondering what a German would do if a rando butted into their conversation to make small talk.  We concluded that person would probably get their throat ripped out.  Small talk is bad enough, but you never talk to a stranger unless you want to show your love by correcting the error of their ways.